U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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