I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
