Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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