he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
