i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
