I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
