Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
