You can't special order awesome
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
