I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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