Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
