I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Randomize
