I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
