lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So much rum. So many feels.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
