I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
