Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
