Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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