the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
