so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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