he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
