I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
