Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize