??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Randomize
