aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
