Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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