I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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