not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
