We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
