I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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