good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
