So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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