no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
