next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
