OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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