Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
