She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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