You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
