Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
