Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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