Sponge bath it is.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
