i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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