Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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