No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i dont even know how to be here
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
