The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
