In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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