Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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