Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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