Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
