But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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