my phone needs a breathalizer
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
