I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Someone shit on the floor
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Randomize
