Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need to sanitize my soul.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize