i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
