bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
