if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
