But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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