I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
