True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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