Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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