I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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