It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
