Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
