It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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