I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
