Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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