Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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