bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize