she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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