He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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