I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
