is your mom at the bar?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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