ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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